


I Only Came to Say Hello (And Now I'm Saying Goodbye)

by LostMyHeartToHim



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostMyHeartToHim/pseuds/LostMyHeartToHim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of waiting, Spock finally makes his move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Only Came to Say Hello (And Now I'm Saying Goodbye)

**Author's Note:**

> Not a native speaker, con-crit welcomed
> 
> I'm aware this isn't entirely canonically accurate, but I'm sure we can all overlook that little fact.

Jim sighs and drains the last drop of whiskey from the glass he's holding.

He has been standing in front of the window for a while, staring at the ocean glimmering in the moonlight, and thinking. Tomorrow it would be over. Just one more mission to go, and it would be done. He would finally leave the service.

He doesn't know what to feel. Starfleet has always been such a big part of his life, and now that his career is almost over, he has no idea what to do with himself. He sighs again, and lets his forehead rest against the window, relishing in the coolness of it.

Suddenly the quiet is broken by the ringing of his old-fashioned doorbell. He smiles. He doesn't bother to wonder who it is. He already knows.

He calls for the door to open, puts down his glass on a little table next to him, and turns around to greet his late night visitor. The familiar figure makes his smile widen. He's glad to know that his instincts haven't started betraying him, even in his older days.

Spock stands in his living room in his familiar stance, his back straight and his hands resting at the small of his back. To anyone else he would seem cold and professional, but Jim can see the amused twinkle in his eyes that means he's smiling.

"Good evening, Captain." Jim grins. Over the years this has come to be a little game between them, their ranks affectionate nicknames.

"Jim, Mister Spock," he gives the familiar answer with a mock scowl stretched over his features.

"As you wish, Captain." Spock smiles in turn and comes to stand in front of him.

"Tea?" Spock nods in confirmation, as Jim anticipated he would. He goes to the replicator and punches the order in, aware of his friend's gaze following him.

"Tell me, Spock, what gives me the pleasure of having you visit me this fine night?" he takes the steaming cup in his hand, hissing slightly, and walks straight to the two chairs in front of the fireplace.

He lowers the cup onto the table between them and seats himself to the black chair, gesturing Spock to sit opposite him. His friend carefully takes the cup in his hands and takes the offered chair. Spock takes small sips from his tea while he contemplates how to best articulate what he has to say.

"Jim, we have known each other for many years."

Jim glances at his friend questioningly, wondering where exactly this is going. It's true that Spock has come more comfortable with human behavioral patterns over the years, but he usually prefers going straight to the point over needless small talk.

"We have been friends for most of them, but it is my impression that there has almost always been a possibility," at this point he looks at his friend pointedly. Jim's breath catches in his chest. _He couldn't possibly..? Could he?_ Spock clears his throat in an obvious sign of nervousness and finishes. "For more."

Jim releases a shaky breath and licks his suddenly dry lips. It doesn't escape his notice that Spock's eyes follow his tongue's movement intensely.

"Why?" Spock raises an eyebrow. Jim leans slightly forward, distinctly aware of the distance between them.

"I mean, why now? After all these years. Why bring it up now and not-" _after the first five year mission. After you came back to me. After your death._ A hand landing over his silences him before he can voice his questions aloud. He lifts his eyes to meet his friend's serious gaze.

"Because I know you, Jim. And duty has always come to you first." Jim opens his mouth to argue, but Spock lifts the hand not holding his to silence him.

"Please, let me finish." Jim nods, knowing that interrupting would be useless.

"Even if you're willing to, and have broken regulations, for me or for other crewmembers, you have been and always will be an explorer at heart, and Starfleet made that possible. If you had been forced to give up your position, or had given it up on behalf of settling down, it would not have been ideal for your mental health and functionality. And although there are no regulations strictly against it, interpersonal relationship are not looked upon fondly, especially when they involve crewmembers of a higher status."

While talking Spock has taken his hand fully into his and entwined their fingers. Jim's breath hitches at the look on his friend's eyes.

"Your wellbeing has always been my priority. I would never willingly do anything that would compromise it. I- I have always cherished you too much to do so." Spock pronounces with complete sincerity. Jim swallows. What Spock just said amounted to a love confession. Of course, he had always known that at some level - despite the other's insistence that he didn't experience emotions - Spock had always loved him, but hearing him say so out loud... It's overwhelming.

He disentangles their fingers, buries his head into his hands and breathes deeply. He is aware that his behaviour is alarming his friend, but he's too overcome with his own emotions to care.

 After all these years and they're finally here in this moment. After all his doubts and hesitation. Never brave enough to take the first step. Always too busy or too afraid of ruining the best relationship he has ever had.

"Jim?" the worried tone of the question and the hesitant fingers landing on his arm yank him back to the present. Spock's eyes are filled with quiet terror.

"Have I misread your..?"

"Oh, you silly Vulcan." He interrupts and draws the other to him, connecting their lips in a human kiss for the very first time.

They are uncertain at first, both aware of the significance of this moment and of the whole new territory that has just opened up before them, before growing bolder, and soon they are totally engrossed in the exploration of each others' mouths. Without breaking the connection between their lips Spock lifts both of their hands up and slides their fingers in a Vulcan kiss. Jim shivers and draws closer, before the need for air forces him to break the kiss. He presses his forehead against Spock's, breathing heavily against his skin.

"I love you." He breathes, the quiet admission loaded with feeling. Spock releases Jim's hands and brings his fingers against his forehead, silently asking for permission. Jim nods and closes his eyes, anticipating the slide of Spock's mind into his, the feeling safe and familiar. Spock's presence fills his mind, lighting every corner of it. As always, the feel of his friend's mind fills Jim with awe.

 _And I you, t'hy'la_ , his friend's - lover's now - voice seeming to echo in his mind.

_T'hy'la? You've called me that before._

_Ancient Vulcan word that defies meaning. It means friend and brother and lover, all separately and all at the same time._

_Sounds perfect for what we are._

_Indeed._ Jim chuckles, the answer so typical of Spock that it makes him feel foolish for ever thinking this new thing between them would change anything. At the same time, he becomes increasingly aware of a part of his body that has been demanding his attention for a some time. A glance down reveals that Spock is in similar condition.

 _Come, I think we would be more comfortable lying down._ He says, before breaking the connection between their minds and leading Spock into his bedroom.

 

 

 

 

~°~

 

Their first time together is like Jim always imagined it would be.

It's not like the passion and the violence of ponn far, or like the enthusiastic fumbling of the youth, but gentle and unhurried, both taking their time to discover each others' bodies in a way they have never done before. They have the advantage of the years of intimate friendship, they know the stories behind each scar, each aching muscle, and they trace them with their fingertips, drawing a picture of all the years they have known each other. The slide of their bodies against each other as natural as the slide of their minds has always been. Jim has never known such pleasure, never having been with someone who already knows him so well.

When they are spent, they lie in each other's arms, and Jim gazes into Spock's eyes and wonders what he ever did to deserve this man.

 

 

 

 

~°~

 

Morning comes too soon in Jim's opinion. He wakes up to the insistent beeping of his comm unit. Cursing, he carefully extracts himself from Spock's embrace and silences it before it wakes him too. Kirk looks at the screen and resist the urge to bury his head under a pillow. He has to go.

He rolls off the bed, takes a quick sonic shower and puts on his uniform, all the while being careful not to wake his friend.

Jim doesn't want to leave without saying goodbye, so he grabs his padd from the night table and writes a quick note for Spock. Jim places the padd next to Spock's sleeping form on the bed, and gently kisses his cheek, before taking one last look at his lover/friend/brother, picking up his case and walking out off the door.

One last adventure to go before they can both rest.

 

_Spock,_

 

_I'm sorry to leave you like this, but as you said to me yesterday,_

_duty always comes first, and did not wish to wake you._

_Fortunately, this will be the last mission before this old ship_

_can finally rest. As you well know, I'm going to attend_

_Enterprise-B's maiden voyage and should not be gone longer_

_than a week. As much as I have missed the old girl, I can't_

_wait to come back and spend the rest of my life - as long_

_or as short as it may be - with you._

 

 _Yours, always_

_Jim_

**Author's Note:**

> *twirls la moustache and cackles manically*
> 
> Happy New Year(?)


End file.
